Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
