Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
