Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
