Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
