Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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