i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
