I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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