Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize