today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
