sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
