Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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