i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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