I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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