when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
