We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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