My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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