I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
