In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
