You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize