i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
