god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
