I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
