I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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