I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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