Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
