Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
