It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
