wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
