i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
