I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
