take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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