My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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