Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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