You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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