I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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