found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
