So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
