You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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