if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
