I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
