I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
