i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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