Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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