plz talk dirty to me
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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