i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize