i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
