he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
