dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
