i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
