My friends, they love my intelligence
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
