Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
