my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
