After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
