Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
