I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
