I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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