uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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