My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
