It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
