1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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