could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
