I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
