Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
