I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
