i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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