well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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