even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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