I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
