Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
